Friday, March 11, 2011

Lightning never strikes twice..

in the same place! Or does it? This has really been on my mind a lot lately. Max is 13 months now and we have always had the intentions to have children close in age (as in less than 2 years age difference). I just think it would be great for Max to have a playmate and to grow up with a sibling here on earth. Unfortunately, Lucas will never be the kind of brother to play outside with Max or to walk down the isle by his side as his best man. So we really would like to add to our little family, but I am scared beyond words. Once again...all over.

I love our day to day life right now. Things are in a good place. We are genuinely happy and love everything about our little peanut. Of course we miss Lucas and wish he'd be here with us, but it's not as heartbreaking anymore.

Myths say that lightning never strikes twice in the same place and I would love to believe that, but what if it would? Should we really jeopardise what we have right now? Should we put Max and us for that matter through a potential tragedy? I am not certain if I'd be able to pick up the pieces again afterwards and that would mean that Max would have a nutcase of a mother.

I wish there'd be a guarantee for things like pregnancy. You know a warranty that states, once you are pregnant you are guaranteed to raise a healthy little boy or girl.


  1. Once again Susi, you and I are in a VERY similar spot. We've actually put things into play to do a FET (frozen embryo transfer) next month, and I'm really nervous about it for many of reasons you shared here. Wishing you luck and peace as your journey continues~

  2. Susi, so sorry that life has taught you to think that way. I definitely get it. That fear is one thing that's kept us from further expanding our family. I'd like to end on a good note, so to speak. But I'm at much greater risk that a youngster like yourself. :)

  3. oops, meant to's Olivia. :)

  4. Bless your heart Susi! Happy Mother's Day for all the reasons you became one, for the fears, for the joys, for the tears, for the concerns, for hope, for sacrifices, for strengths, for unconditional love, for loss, for the loneliness we feel, for being a gift of creation, for loving with every breath we give and each one we receive, for children. I am so glad I came upon your blog today, you have inspired me and have gave me reasons to keep healing and finding peace within my own loss of a child. May hope, courage and strength be constant companions in your next journey of motherhood.