Sunday, September 5, 2010

Will it ever Stop?

With Max getting older and us venturing out more and more, it has been inevitable that we meet other Mom's with children that are almost 2 years old. Whether we are at the library, the pool, the park our the playground, we meet Mom's with young children. Lately, the tough part is when we strike up a conversation and the casual question of "how old is your child" gets the response that he or she is almost 2 years old. It immediately causes a big sting in my heart and I have to fight back tears. It is just so hard to swallow that Lucas would be their age right now. And it just hurts so much to see them interact with Max and it hurts even more to see Max all fascinated by the older children. I am sure he would love to have a big brother around to show him the ropes.

Hope that the intensity of this pain will lessen as time goes by. Just another facet of the grief journey that I will have to live with since I am not certain that this will never fully stop.

As always, missing our sweet Lucas.


  1. Uggg...unfortunately probably not. I think we will always have trouble w/ the age that our little guys would have been. It's so hard because we don't want to stay inside all the time, but inevitably when we go to places like the library or pool we will probably get those stings of pain. I'm so sorry this has been happening to you a lot lately. Thinking of you and sweet Lucas.

  2. It never stops I'm thinking. I wish it did, but it doesn't seem to, I think we are just different now. I think the same thoughts my son would so have loved his younger siblings he is so fascinated with other children and babies.Blessings to you.

  3. Susi -- totally hear you. I was at a birthday party in May and there was a little girl, named Pheobe, there who I had not seen since the day Veronica died. That girl was about a week older than Veronica. Last time we were all together was at a lunch literally about 11 hours before V. passed. Both babies were in their infant carriers.

    Anyway, as I arrived at the party, the first thing I heard was her dad call out, "Pheobe." I turned and saw this little 13 month old toddling over; my tears at that point were uncontrollable. The pain was agonizing.

    I don't know that I'll ever be able to deal with being around babies born in the first half of 2009. I hate that my little girl is forever 7 weeks old.

    Hang in there, Susi.


  4. Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry. I tear up just imagining how this might feel for you.

    Thank you for the sweet comments re: Tatum, by the way. The remote his daddy got for him (I think Bruce didn't like sharing! ;) is a Sesame Street remote control and I think he got it from Target.

    Sending hugs in your direction~

  5. My heart hurts for you... {{Hugs}}