First of all, thank you all so much for your kind words and support. Some of you had posted questions about Lucas' story in the comments and I promise to answer those soon. It is hard for me to talk about it and has not gotten easier with time, but I found it even harder to put it into writing. It will come soon, though.
Today, I had a very strange conversation with a coworker at work. This coworker (Mrs. H) is a mother of two children and over the past months has been very kind and supportive. We were chatting about Thanksgiving, Christmas plans and Peanut's arrival (Lucas' little brother's name until we can decide on his actual name) when she made a comment that really did not sit right with me. I generally don't really like talking about this pregnancy too much, especially with strangers or acquaintances, since a lot of people give well meant advice and today was not going to be an exception. So, Mrs. H. goes on to say that I should make sure to have my hospital bag packed well in advance since this is "TECHNICALLY" my second pregnancy. Yes, she said "technically your second pregnancy."
I was taken so off guard and wasn't sure how to respond to her comment. I decided to bite my tongue, ignore what she said and politely end our chat since I stay away from those conversations when I am in the office (I just know too well how it would end). Now, I am sitting here and wish I could just tell her what I am thinking. First of, this is my second pregnancy and not just technically. It actually is. I have given birth to a little boy. I carried him full term and I am well aware that the second time around the baby may decide to show up a week or two earlier. And what do you mean "technically my second pregnancy?" Does giving birth to a little baby not count because he is not here with me on earth anymore? He grew inside my tummy for months and then lived with us for one month, so please don't make it seem like his little brother is my first pregnancy.
Those are the days when it seems like that you are only a mother if you have tangible evidence of your children. Things like keeping updated pictures at your desk, telling stories about their latest accomplishments or even bringing them to the office for a visit. It is hard for people to grasp that even though Lucas isn't here with me, he is still my son and I am still his mom. And this is actually my second pregnancy.